Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Cripplegate | 3 Differences Between Christianity & Other Religions

“While many of the world’s religions have similar features, biblical Christianity differs radically from them all. There are a handful of things which put it in a category of its own. Without understanding these differences, we cannot properly comprehend Christianity.”

Relevant | 5 Movies Every Man Should Watch

“A great film is not simply a good way to spend a mindless Friday night. It can also be motivating, redemptive, and helpful in spurring you on toward maturity in your faith journey. In fact almost every great story possesses characteristics that reflect the gospel.”

Brad Hambrick | “Papa’s an Idiot” Letter and Heretical Psalms

“We do not have to choose between honesty and reverence because of psalms like these. God is not agreeing that our experience is objectively true, but he is demonstrating his willingness to sometimes put compassion before instruction.”

Samuel D. James | A Few Thoughts on “Purity Culture”

“Many of evangelical culture’s ideas about sexuality, marriage, and relationships have borne bad fruit. I’ve heard from many people who, like me, were raised in a conservative evangelical context, but unlike me, were exposed to a grievously harsh and legalistic theology that shamed, alienated, and wounded them.”

The Babylon Bee | Man Suffers Fractured Neck After Bouncing Eyes Too Hard

“Fitch then summoned a nurse to turn off the hospital television since he found himself unable to bounce his eyes from an inappropriate commercial, due to his neck injury.”

Flame | Start Over

DONE: You Have Been Given Assurance of Eternity in Heaven

And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory (Colossians 1:27).

Want to know the secret to never doubting your salvation?

It’s simple: The presence of Jesus living within you gives you assurance of sharing in God’s eternal glory. This means your salvation doesn’t depend on anything you do, or anything you don’t do. It’s all because of what Jesus has done for you.

This is great news because it means you can’t screw it up!

In order to fully grasp what this means though, we should look at the complete definition of assurance:

as·sur·ance [uh-shur-uhns]
noun
1. a positive declaration intended to give confidence.
2. promise or pledge; guaranty; surety.
3. full confidence; freedom from doubt; certainty.

The presence of Christ within you gives you confidence that your eternity will be spent living in glory. It’s a promise from God, guaranteed to never change, setting you free from any doubt or uncertainty regarding your salvation!

As long as you’re looking at salvation as a reward for you being a good person, you will always question whether you’re good enough. If, however, you trust the work of Jesus to earn salvation for you, you can have confident assurance of eternal life in Heaven.

This is why it’s so important to understand that your salvation is all about Jesus doing for you what you could never do for yourself.

My Story: How I Went from Living a Lie to a Life Worth Living—Part I

cover-mockupThe following story is the first chapter from my book, 10 Lies Men Believe About Porn, available now wherever books are sold. It is presented here in eight parts and should take you no more than ten minutes to read. If you would rather read it off-line, you can sign up for our monthly newsletter to receive a free PDF download of the first three chapters of the book as my thank-you gift for signing up.


 

I am about to tell you my story for three reasons. First, to show you I am a deeply flawed human just like everyone else. The sin and pain I am capable of producing is astounding. Likewise, my ability to deceive myself into ignoring and justifying my issues is equally shocking. It would seem I have no business writing a book advising anybody of anything. Nonetheless, here I am.

Second, there is a lot of healing that comes from the honest telling of our stories, both for the storyteller and for the audience. I have found over the years of telling my story that we really aren’t all that different. As you read the slow motion, instant replay of the highlights (and low-lights) in my journey, I hope you are able to see glimpses of your own story. The details will be different, but the themes will likely be similar in spots. Remember, you are not alone in this struggle.

Finally, I tell you my story to give you a sense of hope as you live out your own story, no matter what chapter you are living in today. If God can use a man such as me in His kingdom, not just in spite of my sordid past, but because of my sordid past, think of what He can do with you!

The Spark

I still remember the first time my eyes were opened to what became my drug of choice. I was no older than 12, exploring the woods on my bike with a few friends. We would frequently ride these trails behind the college football stadium and build jumps. Epic jumps. It felt like we were flying six feet in the air, though I’m sure it was only six inches, if that.

Even now I only want to talk about the bikes and jumps and steer the conversation away from the issue of the magazine. It’s tempting to make small talk and never allow anyone below the surface—I think it’s a guy thing. How about those Seahawks? That Russell Wilson looks like he may just work out for them, huh?

Anyway, we stumbled across a homeless camp one afternoon. No one was home at the time, so as any adventurous middle-school boys would do, we started to explore. Who knew what treasures we would find? It was empty beer cans, broken bottles, and a soggy sleeping bag sitting outside by a fire ring. But the end of the rainbow seemed to be shining upon the weathered orange tent. We cautiously unzipped it, scared that it might have somebody sleeping inside, but found it empty…almost. Just inside the door of the tent was the object that begins this type of story for many men of my generation: a Playboy magazine.

magazinesI’m not sure if any of us had ever seen a naked woman before we found the magazine. I never had. I had developed plenty of crushes and the normal adolescent curiosities, but I really had no idea what existed beneath the mysterious layers of clothing women always had on. I knew there was something I wanted to see but had never had the opportunity.

Somehow I ended up getting to keep the magazine. I think it was something similar to Gollum wrestling the ring from the hands of Frodo, but that may be an exaggeration. All I know for sure is it ended up hidden deep within my closet, and a lifestyle of hiding, lying, deception, and lust had suddenly sunk deep roots into my soul.

Fueling the Fire

I look back now and can’t see a moment where I wasn’t addicted to porn. I believe for me it began the instant I laid eyes on that magazine. There are numerous reasons for this that are starting to make a lot of sense as I put the pieces back together in my mind. First, God has made me intensely visual. I am a designer by trade and have always been drawn toward visual beauty. I see colors, textures, details, and shapes on a deeper level then most people. You can imagine the effect this has on my appreciation of the female form. The other reason, which is subtler but more influential, was how I viewed myself during that moment of discovery.

I was an awkward kid—chubby, pimply, and nerdy. I would spend my lunch hours hiding in the school library reading Black Belt magazine even though I had no martial arts training whatsoever. I guess I thought if I could order the throwing stars from the catalog in the back I would suddenly be cool or something. I wasn’t all that popular with the ladies. Maybe I would have been, but I had convinced myself that girls wouldn’t like me, so I avoided them to eliminate any opportunities for rejection. If I never talk to them, they can’t say no, right?

So there I was, lonely, intensely visual, pubescent hormones raging, scared of female rejection, and finally in possession of what I thought was a “solution.” The women in this magazine would never reject me. They didn’t care what I looked like. They didn’t mind my nerdiness. They would be there to satisfy all my curiosities, my sexual needs, and even my deep desire for human connection. These were all lies of course—the magazine wasn’t doing any of this—but I believed them…big time.

Continue reading: My Story—Part II

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Brad Hambrick | 5 Levels of Motivation for Overcoming Addiction

“Don’t feel ashamed of your conflicted motives. God already knows and he still wants to help. The only person you can lie to is yourself and those who love you.”

Janet Newberry | Grace as a Second Language

“There’s no test for mastery in the language of grace; fluent language speakers are recognized by the way they influence others for good. – Also by the way they articulate humility and peaceful submission to appropriate authority. You’ll know you’ve experienced a fluent speaker of grace when you experience peace, personal maturity, real healing of your heart, true joy, and when your own life bears good fruit – that lasts.”

LifeWay | 3 Reasons Men’s Small Groups Are Difficult to Lead

“Coaching 6-year-old football is challenging, time-consuming, and requires loads of emotional energy. Why? Because football teams of 6-year-olds are difficult to lead. But quite possibly, not as difficult as men’s Bible study groups. In speaking with ministry leaders across the country, I’m convinced that leading a men’s small group is one of, if not the most difficult task in a local church.”

Storyline | One Reason You’re Not Making The Progress You Wish You Were

“Admitting to my struggling faith does not separate me from God; it is the pretending that I have none that does.”

Dave Willis | 7 Ways Modern Man is Failing

“If we will be willing to refocus on these areas and humbly make course corrections where needed, I believe we could improve our lives, our families and our legacies.”

Barbara Walters Interviews Johnny Cash on Faith

DONE: You Have Been Rescued from Darkness

He has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of His dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins (Colossians 1:13-14).

There’s a recurring theme you may have noticed in many of the stories and movies we’ve grown up with. It’s the idea that life appears to be wonderful and happy, and then one day the character’s eyes are opened to an evil they’ve never noticed before.

We see this theme in the Lord of the Rings when the Hobbits go about their laid-back lives in the Shire completely unaware of the growing darkness surrounding them.

It’s the central element of most fairy tales: an innocent child/princess/critter finds themselves mixed up with an evil witch/wolf/giant and then suddenly singing sonnets with birds and squirrels has to take a back seat to survival.

We even see this theme in the great twentieth-century cinematic masterpiece, Dumb and Dumber, when Harry and Lloyd set off on a happy-go-lucky cross-country adventure completely oblivious that they’ve become wrapped up in a criminal hostage situation.

Inevitably, these stories all end with a triumphant rescue. Sauron and his armies are defeated and peace is restored when the true king returns to his throne. Snow White is awoken from her poison-induced slumber by the prince. The FBI shows up to arrest the bad guys just as Harry and Lloyd are about to be shot. Darkness is overcome, life can return to the way it should be, and the Hobbits can go back to eating second breakfast in peace.

Like most themes we see repeated throughout popular stories, this one appears so frequently because it speaks to what we all know on some level to be true: There is darkness in this world, and we need to be rescued from it.

Everywhere you look today you see pain and suffering. If you need a reminder of this fact, just turn on the evening news. It’s not hard to recognize how this world we live in truly is a kingdom of darkness. But it’s also important to realize that this world is not what you and I were created for. We were created to be with our God “in the Kingdom of His dear Son.” According to the apostle Paul, God has already rescued us from the kingdom darkness. He purchased our freedom and forgave our sins through the work of Jesus, clearing the way for us to be transferred to God’s Kingdom—the Kingdom we were created for.

I believe this transfer is one of the reasons the darkness in this world continues to break our hearts so deeply. Now that we are no longer part of that system, we have the ability to stand back and see it for what it truly is. This clarity of perspective has opened our eyes to the true source of the darkness—sin—and made us aware of how many people are still trapped by it. Knowing, however, that our eternity is secure in the Kingdom of God’s dear Son, we now have the freedom to be courageous as we aid in God’s continued rescue of those who remain lost. We may still be scarred by the darkness in this world, but it will never again enslave us. We, my friends, have been set free from that kingdom.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


The Gospel Coalition | How Celibacy Can Fulfill Your Sexuality

“We know we are sexual beings. We know this sexuality is meant to mean something. But unless we know what our sexuality is for, we won’t understand how it’s meant to work.”

I Am Second | I Was Addicted to Porn and Here’s How I Stopped

“When I couldn’t get rid of my addiction, I started to believe it was who I was. I was a terrible person, and if I was a terrible person, I couldn’t expect to behave any differently. Every time I gave in to my addiction, it reinforced this idea and wrapped me tighter and tighter into my destructive behavior.”

LifeWay | 5 Mistakes Pastors Make in Reaching Men

“From fresh flowers to bulletin shells splashed with pastel colors, the design of many churches pings the feminine meter. They do not feel like places men are typically comfortable. Think stadiums, man caves, and garages.”

Steve McVey | Does God Keep Score?

“f your understanding of who God is has been framed by the traditional teachings of a legalistic religious world, you’re not likely to see Him in any other way. If you see your God as one who is primarily concerned about your actions, if you see Him as one who is disappointed when you do wrong, if you see Him as one who stands ready to punish those who fail and reward those who do their best to do the right thing, you have been taken captive by an Adamic view of God.”

XXXChurch | Does Memorizing Bible Verses Actually Help My Sexual Purity?

“The Bible is not a rulebook that teaches us how to live; it’s a map that shows us the way to discipleship through emulating the resurrected Christ.”

Steve Brown | When Prodigals Go Back to the Pigs

DONE: You Have Received All the Riches You Need

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

Isn’t it fun to daydream about what you would do if you won the lottery?

Every time I drive by one of those billboards advertising the current multi-million-dollar jackpot, I definitely give it some thought. I’d like to think that I’d give most of the money away and use it to bless others, but I know I’d spend at least some of it on myself. For example, I’d sign up to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, I’d order an Electric DeLorean, and I’d buy the giant marquee sign from the Kuhn Theater in Lebanon, Oregon (after all, that is my last name).

Do you realize though, that the moment you trusted Christ you already won the lottery? Actually, what you received far exceeds any earthly payout of riches, because your riches in Christ are all based in heaven. Unlike the riches of this life that will rot away (I can’t take my DeLorean to heaven, for example), these riches are eternal.

God has promised that His riches will meet all of your needs—every last one of them. If you trust God to keep His word in this area and allow that truth to penetrate your heart, it will save you untold amounts of worrying.

Now, I’m not saying God is a big slot-machine who wants to make you rich and famous. His promise is to meet your needs, not your wants. I wish the Bible promised me a DeLorean, but I just can’t find that verse in there no matter how hard I try. Probably because I don’t actually need a DeLorean. In fact, earthly riches can be quite effective at keeping you distracted from what you truly do need. Just ask the rich man from the Lazarus parable.

What I truly need—what we all need—is Jesus.

And if that need isn’t met, nothing else matters.


Smart Quote: Henri Nouwen

“For Jesus, there are no countries to be conquered, no ideologies to be imposed, no people to be dominated. There are only children, women, and men to be loved.” —Henri Nouwen

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


The Gospel Coalition | Real Church Gets Real Messy, and That’s Good

“When we start walking in the light before the Lord, we are surprised to discover one another at a deeper level. When the walls fall down in every appropriate way and we stop playing church and guarding our appearances, we enter into fellowship. We find out how much we have in common.”

CovenantEyes | My Child Has Been Exposed to Porn: 5 Critical Truths You Need to Know

“If you haven’t checked your kids devices for a while (including texts), do it today. If you haven’t told your kids how much you love them, and that they can tell you anything, do it today.”

The Atlantic | The Dark Side of Going for Gold

“On August 21, more than 11,000 Olympic athletes will leave Rio, some carrying medals, others lugging the weight of falling short of expectations. Despite their varying degrees of success, many will have the same surprise waiting for them back home: a feeling that life suddenly seems ordinary.”

Steve McVey | Why You Don’t have to Carry Shame Anymore

“Renounce your sin and run into the loving arms of your heavenly Father, giving up both your sins and your self condemnation to Him. Lay it all at His feet and allow Him to simply love you. Judgement day for you is finished. It was over at the cross when Jesus declared it to be so. God has nothing to say to you now other than words of love and acceptance.”

Key Life | A Christian Isn’t…

“It is not what we do or don’t do (as good as some of those things above are). It is not a list. It is not a matter of doing. It has already been done (“It is finished…”). It is a matter of being. It is a matter of who and Whose we are.”

Keller, Moore, DeYoung: How to Speak to Our Culture About Sex

DONE: You Can Now Do Everything God Calls You to Do

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).

I used to be a distance runner…at least until my knees blew up.

Whenever I felt like stopping before I reached the end of a run, I’d think about this verse and  push forward. After all, the verse says that I can everything, surely that must mean I can finish a ten-mile run.

If you approach the verse with that logic though, it can get a bit silly.

  • If a ten-mile run qualifies, wouldn’t a 1000-mile run also fall under the category of everything?
  • Does the power of Christ within my skinny, 170-pound body empower me to be an NFL lineman?
  • Can I join the professional bull riders’ circuit with no prior experience?

See what I mean? Silly.

When you read this verse in context though, you realize that the Apostle Paul is actually talking about enduring the difficulties that can come from following Christ. He’s telling us that we can trust God to give us the strength to handle everything He calls us to do—even when faced with opposition.

No, the power of Christ within you probably won’t enable you to bench press a Buick, but it will enable you to offer love to your enemies

…to forgive those who persecute you

…to give joyfully and sacrificially

…to trust God with your entire life.

After all, none of us are capable of doing any of those things on our own.

But remember, God never expected you to do them on your own. He intends for you to do them by trusting the power of Christ, which you were given the moment you believed.