Weekly Web (W)roundup

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Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


The Blazing Center: You Can’t Shame People into Repentance

“[S]hame isn’t redemptive. Shaming doesn’t bring believers closer together in fellowship. Shame doesn’t lead believers in paths of repentance and righteousness. Rather, shame causes people to hide. It causes them to withdraw. To disappear.”

Relevant: Kingdom Come

“Once we catch a glimpse of what God plans for the Kingdom, we can begin to implement that vision in the here-and-now—beginning in our churches and in our homes and in our worship.”

XXXChurch: The Secret To Finding Real Freedom

“At the height of my addiction, I was trying the same things over and over hoping that one day they would just click if I just got my theology correct or if I was just more honest with my accountability partner. But my search was for something far more profound than simply perfecting the next tool.”

Desiring God: Joy Changes Everything

“[I]f Paul is to be believed, the task of motivating and equipping Christians for service is neither more nor less than the ordinary, stated work of pastor-teachers; and if Nehemiah is to be believed, the primary way to achieve that object is by filling their hearts with joy; which in turn means filling their minds with constant reminders of the breadth and depth and length and height of the love of Christ.”

Grace Covers Me: How do We Grow by the Holy Spirit Rather than by Self-Effort?

“One path to spiritual growth is me-centered and demands instant change. The other is God-centered and requires persistent faith. Growth by the Holy Spirit almost seems counterintuitive, but I can attest in my own life that I’ve seen deep and lasting growth as I’ve resisted myself and looked for His leadership.”

Covenant Eyes: How to Overcome the Flesh

“I fear we’ve bred a generation of believers whose souls are fixated in the way they shouldn’t go. My personal experience and the experience I have ministering to men is that most Christians are inherently focused on the ‘nots’ and ‘don’ts.’ We are acutely aware of what we shouldn’t be doing, what we shouldn’t be thinking, how we don’t measure up, what we don’t have, how we fall short, what we haven’t done, what we aren’t doing, etc. But God isn’t interested in what you’re not. He’s interested in who you are.”

Sam Allberry: The Story of a Same-Sex Attracted Pastor and Husband

In Christ: You Have Been Given Every Spiritual Blessing

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ (Ephesians 1:3).

We have a general rule in our house that we’re quick to share things with one another, but it’s important to ask permission first.

For example, anytime my daughter wants to play a game on my phone, she just needs to ask me before taking it. As long as there isn’t a good reason for me to say no to her (such as unfinished chores or me expecting a call), I’ve promised to say yes whenever I can.

Now, imagine if my daughter kept asking permission to use my phone even after I handed it to her. She could be playing a game with the phone in her hands, but still pop her head up every few minute to ask if she can have the phone.

“Can I play a game on your phone?”
“You have my phone, Honey.”
“Can I play a game on your phone?”
“You still have my phone, Honey.”
“Can I play a game on your phone?”
“Really?”

Not only is that ridiculous, it would be somewhat annoying as well. Probably on par with the never-ending “Are we there yet?” or “I’m huuuuuuungry.”

Sometimes though, I wonder if God looks at us and says “Really?” when we keep asking Him for things that He’s already given to us. After all, according to this verse, He’s already blessed us with every spiritual blessing.

But what exactly are these blessings? The remainder of this passage tells us more about them:

  • you have been made holy (v.4)
  • you have been adopted as His child (v.5)
  • you have been offered His grace (v.6)
  • you have been redeemed and forgiven (v.7)
  • you have been given wisdom and insight (v.8)
  • you have been included in His inheritance (v.11)
  • you have been given the Holy Spirit (v.13)

God has already given you these things, yet if you’re anything like me, you keep coming back to Him asking for them again and again. That’s why I try to pay attention to the language I use whenever I talk to God:

  • Instead of asking to be forgiven when I mess up, I thank Him for how He has already forgiven me.
  • Instead of asking for His grace, I thank Him for the unending grace He’s already showered upon me.

This may seem like nothing more than a subtle shift in semantics, but I’ve found it helps me remember that I don’t need to strive to please God in order to receive His blessing. I’ve already received it (Tweet this!). All I need to do is trust and believe that if God says it’s true about all believers, it’s true about me as well.

This post is an excerpt from my new book, 52 Amazing Things That Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ. If you enjoyed what you read here, be sure to check out the book for 51 more awesome truths about how God sees you!

Smart Quote: Kris Dolberry

“The Lion will not attack the weakest Gazelle. It will, however, always attack the one that is alone.” —Kris Dolberry

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Desiring God: My Sin, Not in Part, But the Whole

“Christ didn’t come to just forgive our ‘more respectable’ sins. He didn’t absorb the wrath of God on behalf of our ‘smaller’ sins. Instead, he came and has forgiven all of our sins. This is how we are able to be honest with the depth of our sinfulness, because we trust that God will cover us with the depths of his mercy.”

KeyLife: Grace Goes All the Way Down

“In our churches too often we believe the way people change is by receiving more instruction. Instruction is good, and we need it. There’s lot of instructions in the Bible, and we shouldn’t ignore them. But the way the Bible says people actually change, deep down in the heart, where the sincerity is seated that makes our behavior worship of God instead of worship of self, is by believing in the gospel.”

Steve McVey: Do Grace and Truth Need to Be Kept in Balance?

“If you’re going to draw a line, draw it between grace and legalism—not between grace and truth. The Bible plainly puts grace and truth on the same side of the line, in Jesus.”

Russell Moore: Why Porn Kills Sex

“Why does it seem that pornography ultimately kills sexual intimacy? There are, to be sure, many psychological explanations. Pornography desensitizes one to sexual stimuli, feeds the quest for endless novelty, and creates a script of expectations that does not, and cannot, meet up to the real dynamics of personal relationship. But I think there’s more afoot here.”

Gospel Coalition: The Modern Man and His Fantasy World

“In recent years I have noticed a trait, particularly among men, where faith is impeded. I am talking about the cultural fixation upon fantasy. Many man today are wrapped up in a world of fantasy and also find it increasingly difficult to live by faith upon the God who is invisible.”

Andrew Wilson: Who Gave Paul His Thorn?

“So who gave Paul his thorn? God, and Satan, but with thoroughly different agendas. Satan, we may surmise, wanted to destroy him. God wanted to humble him, and throw him back onto divine grace. ”

Josh Garrels: At The Table

DONE: You Have Been Set Free from the Law

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law (Galatians 5:1).

For years, I had accepted the fact that Jesus paid for my sin on the cross, but every time I messed up I felt the need to earn God’s favor back and ask forgiveness for what I had just done.

I believed that my initial salvation came from the work of Jesus alone (saved by grace), but I also believed my continued salvation—and my acceptance by God—was a reward I maintained only if I was somehow good enough (saved by keeping the law).

I kept going back to the slavery of the law even though Christ had set me free from it.

But remember: When did Jesus pay for your sins? It was on the Cross.

And how many of your sins were done after the Cross? All of them.

Every one of your sins—past, present, and even future sins—were paid for 2000 years ago when Jesus said, “It is finished.”

When you accepted Christ’s payment for your sins, it was for all of them. Not just the ones you had committed up to the point of your initial salvation.

This idea that we need to keep coming back for forgiveness and make things right every time we sin is the same as telling Jesus we need Him to go back to the Cross and do it again.

It’s telling Jesus that what He did wasn’t enough.

This is why it is so important to understand how your behavior—no matter how sinful it may be—can never separate you from God’s love or acceptance once you have put your hope in the work of Christ.

Remember, Jesus is your only hope of freedom.

The minute you put your faith in Him, your balance was paid in full.

You were set free from the treadmill of trying to do enough good to overcome the inevitable junk that remains.

Trust this truth, and you will remain free.

Smart Quote: Dallas Willard

“You must take the time to consider why it is you have no time to spend time with the Father.” —Dallas Willard

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

Reader Q/A: Is Laziness Contributing to My Struggle with Sobriety?

Question: “I get the connection between sobriety and spirituality but I drift into laziness and my self-interests and attractions cloud my decision-making whenever that happens. I think laziness is a trap that scuttles my desire to live soberly. Got any insights?”

Reader Q/AWhen you use the term “laziness,” I assume you’re talking about spiritual laziness as opposed to physical laziness. In other words, you’re not talking about binge-watch Netflix instead of going to the gym. You’re talking about a lack of time doing the things that you believe are required to grow your faith.

Either way, let’s unpack both scenarios because one of them can be helpful, and the other is absolutely crucial—although not necessarily in the way you may be expecting.

Physical Laziness

It may not seem like it at first, but physical laziness and a lack of proper self-care can contribute to a pornography addiction. After all, it’s hard to find motivation to do anything in life when you lack the energy to even get off the couch. This is more than we have time to fully unpack here, but I did want to address a few things regarding exercise.

Physical exercise will allow your body to release mood-enhancing endorphins, relieve stress in a healthy way, and can even lead you to seek out healthy support communities (such as an exercise partner or a gym class).

Those are all good things of course, but many people make exercise their main focus on their path to sobriety, effectively trading their “negative” addictions for a “positive” addiction to exercise. After all, how many ultra-runners have a history of past substance abuse?

So yes, it’s important to take care of your body and move away from physical laziness, but make sure you aren’t forsaking the inward journey that will lead to true healing of your whole self. Having rock-hard abs won’t actually change your life for the better, no matter what the fitness magazines tell you.

“For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.”
1 Timothy 4:8

Spiritual Laziness

There’s a tendency many of us have to look at our spiritual lives and wonder if we’re being too lazy. If we’re not experiencing the level of sobriety we desire, then it must be because we’re not working hard enough spiritually.

I need to read my Bible more, pray more, follow God’s laws better…

Yes, it may be true that becoming less “lazy” in your approach to such practices will lead to deeper freedom, but what if such striving, as well-intentioned as it appears, is actually hindering your recovery? The answer lies in your motivation. Let me explain.

Bullock_yokesYou’re probably familiar with the verse in Matthew where Jesus refers to His yoke as “easy.” When we picture this scene, we typically think of the yoke a farmer places over the necks of a pair of oxen and see ourselves being yoked alongside Jesus as we navigate our journey of faith.

This may be a comforting picture, but there’s one problem with it: This type of yoke distributes the load between both oxen evenly, which means you’re still responsible for 50% of the work. Isn’t that how so many of us view our faith? Yes, Jesus saved me on the cross, but it’s up to me to pull my half of the weight from here out.

Water YokeBut what if the yoke Jesus is referring to in this passage isn’t an oxen yoke, but it’s actually a water carrying yoke? In other words, it’s His yoke to carry. He does the work for us, not with us. He takes the full load of our sin—our addictions, failures, shame, guilt, hurts, and hangups—completely on His own. Our only remaining job then, is to simply walk beside Him. That changes things, doesn’t it?

Look again at the image of the water yoke and notice how the weight of the buckets causes it to bend downward at the ends. When you’re standing immediately next to Jesus, the weight rests fully on His shoulders, but the further you move away from Him, the more weight will be transferred to you.

I’ve found in my own recovery, the more I tried to overcome my spiritual laziness through striving to do all the right things, the less I wanted to spend time resting in the love of Christ—the only thing that would lead me to true freedom. By striving to carry my own weight and overcoming my spiritual laziness in my own power, I was actually moving away from Jesus.

I was trying to work, and all He wanted me to do was rest—rest in the fact that He was doing the work in me.

So instead of looking at spiritual practices such as prayer and Bible reading as a way to become a better person, what if you looked at them as a way to draw you closer to Jesus? I think you will find that it becomes less about striving to do what you think you “should” be doing (IE: overcoming laziness), and more about doing what your soul truly desires to do.

And the more you feed your soul’s true desires, the less tempting your addictions will become. A rich and lasting sobriety will begin to flow out of your new heart as you experience your connection to Jesus more deeply every day.

Two Birds, One Stone

I’d encourage you to take a walk with Jesus, both physically and spiritually. Go for a hike in nature, or simply wander around your neighborhood for a while if that’s all you can manage. Talk with Him. Ask Him how He feels about you. Ask Him what He wants you to focus on. Imagine Jesus walking beside you enjoying every moment, because He is. Take these walks regularly, and you’ll find freedom from both types of laziness.

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Matthew 11:28-29

Weekly Web (W)roundup

weekly_roundup-img-640x290

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.


Christianity Today: What an Obscure Old Testament Figure Reveals about Us Gentiles

“With this list of characters, it’s no wonder we overlook Obed-Edom. His obscure name is a compound of two other names—Obed, David’s grandfather, and Edom, Esau’s nickname. No doubt, many of us would have to Google him to figure out who he was. Yet he beautifully illustrates what has happened to us—especially us Gentiles—through Jesus.”

XXXChurch: 3 Reasons Why You Might Need Porn Counseling

“So how do you know if you have a serious porn problem that requires professional help? Here are just three examples.”

Brad Hambrick: An Open Letter to Someone Having an Affair

“Let’s start with this reality: you are going to choose. You are going to choose to pursue a life with your spouse (and children, if you have them) or your adultery partner (with your children passing between homes in a blended family, if you have them). Unless you delay until your spouse and/or adultery partner abandons you, you will make a choice between these two options.”

Gospel Coalition: Gandalf, Job, and the Indignant Love of God

“Bilbo has mistaken Gandalf’s aggressive, forceful stance as a raw assertion of power. In his blindness over the ring, he makes accusations against Gandalf and impugns his character, his care, and his concern. But the indignation of love elicits Gandalf’s fire. He’s angry, yes, because of the foolishness of Bilbo in thinking he could challenge him, but even more for thinking he had to—for thinking he couldn’t trust him. Gandalf’s anger at the hobbit’s accusation demonstrates his indignant love.”

CovenantEyes: 3 Reasons Deception is More Destructive than Porn for Your Wife

“A fundamental breach of trust in a marriage brings everything into question. Wholeheartedly trusting someone to love and protect your heart and to act in your best interest is foundational for marriage. Having that trust violated is an act of intimate betrayal.”

And Sons: Small Stories

DONE: Your Sin Debt was Paid in Full by Jesus

For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Imagine you receive a letter in the mail one day. As you read it, you realize you’ve been found guilty of tax evasion. Not only that, it’s been going on for years.

Because of back taxes and fines, you now owe the IRS over $500,000! Your entire net worth is pennies compared to the fine. You can barely make a dent in it, and can never, ever pay the complete fine.

In addition, the minimum prison sentence is twenty years.

You show up at the trial and realize there is substantial evidence against you. Financial records, invoices, previous tax returns—it’s all there. You have no case.

You plead with the judge, claiming it was an accident and you honestly had no idea you were doing anything wrong. He sternly reminds you that ignorance is no excuse for criminal behavior. You broke the law and now you must pay the consequence.

The gavel slams against the desk as he sentences you to the maximum prison term in addition to your fine.

As you’re being escorted out of the courtroom, however, the judge speaks up:

“Stop! You may not know this yet, but I love you more than you can fathom. I can’t bear to see you punished like this. I will have my own Son pay your fine. He will serve your sentence for you. I can transfer all of your guilt to Him, allowing you to go free as one who is forgiven and restored to righteousness. You must decide, though, if you trust Him to do this for you. Will you receive this gift of forgiveness?”

You ponder the offer for a moment. It seems too good to be true. But then again, you have no other options. You’re desperate. It’s too late for you to undo what you’ve already done.

“Yes, your Honor. I trust your Son. I need Him to save me since I will never be able to overcome my own guilt.”

Immediately, the handcuffs are taken off you and placed upon the wrists of the Son.

You are now free.

Your debt has been paid.

As the Son is escorted out of the room, you thank him with tears in your eyes. You have never felt such an overwhelming sense of relief—or gratitude.

Friends, this is not just a story. This is the gospel.

This is what Jesus did for you the moment you trusted Him: He took your guilt, trading you His righteousness in return.

Why Do People Turn To Porn When They’re Lonely?

I’m excited to announce that another post I wrote for xxxChurch.com went live this morning. If you aren’t familiar with xxxChurch, they’re an online ministry offering biblical help for those who struggle with porn addiction. I suggest you check out all the great resources they offer to help you on your journey to freedom. And, of course, check out my post on their site as well.

Why Do People Turn To Porn When They’re Lonely?

A while back, XXXchurch ran a survey asking people why they turn to porn. Overwhelmingly, a large percentage of the answers stated “because they’re lonely” as a driving factor.

When we’re talking about the kind of lonely that drives us to porn though, it’s typically not the kind that comes from living in isolation. The majority of us have people in our lives—friends, co-workers, partners—whom we’re around on a daily basis. We’re by no means “alone,” yet for some reason, we’re still lonely.

But what if this loneliness so many of us experience isn’t due to a lack of being around anyone but from a lack of being known by anyone?

Read the rest of the article on xxxChurch.com

10 Lies Men Believe about Porn Preview