Identity

In the past few weeks we have been taking a deeper look at some of the more common false identities men are prone to latch onto. Last week, we looked at how our Social Groups can distract us from discovering who God says we are. This week, we will be looking at how we use Hobbies to define us. Please feel free to subscribe to the blog and follow along with us through this series.

Hobbies

I could write an entire book outlining all the ways I’ve attempted to find my identity through hobbies, but there is one that stands above the rest—being a mountain man. Here’s a segment I wrote for an outdoor podcast explaining what I mean in a little more detail:

Once I got a taste of mountain climbing I was hooked. Our shared hobby of hiking as a couple had mutated into a singular passion that my wife didn’t share. She would have been more than willing to go for a hike with me along a beautiful river, or even an overnight backpacking trip to a majestic mountain lake, but I had become obsessed with climbing and, over time, allowed the “We” trips to all become “Me” trips. I’d be gone for hours on training runs or hauling my pack up the local hill multiple times a week. In the rare event that I was home physically, I was in the mountains mentally. The more I pursued climbing, the less I pursued my wife. I started to see her as a hurdle in my climbing quest. I stopped asking her if I could leave for the weekend and started telling her that I would be gone. I couldn’t see it at the time, but I had chosen the mountains over her. (If you’re interested, you can hear the whole story here.)

I had allowed mountain climbing to become my false identity. I had found something I was good at, and it seemed to impress others. I could strike up a conversation with people and once they found out I was a climber they were suddenly more interested in talking with me. People knew me as the guy who climbs mountains, which made me feel rugged, macho, and manly. As Dr. Phil might say, it stoked my male ego.

But hobbies can never define you on the deepest level or show you who you truly are. You can keep climbing taller mountains, master your golf swing, or take bigger and bigger risks in the stock market hoping that it will finally meet some unknown need in your life, but you will always need to come back for more when the satisfaction inevitably wears off. Sure, hobbies are great and highly fulfilling, but if you are honest with yourself, you probably sense that no matter how much time and effort you devote to them, you will always crave just a little bit more.

Your hobby may be something you do, something you enjoy, but if you allow it become who you are—your false identity—it will fail you.

Continue to Part 4: Romantic Relationships

This post has been adapted from my new book,
10 Lies Men Believe About Porn, available now.

For more information, or to sign up for updates, please visit the
Belt of Truth Bookstore.

Last week, we began a new series taking a deeper look at some of the more common false identities men tend to latch onto, as well as the truth about who God says you are. Today, we will be looking at how our social groups can distract us from discovering who God says we are. Please feel free to subscribe to the blog and follow along with us through this series.

Social Groups

I had no idea who I was as in middle school, so I kept trying on new identities to see if any of them would bring me lasting fulfillment. And like most teenagers, I believed that fulfillment would come once I discovered an identity that granted me acceptance into the right social group.

I tried out life as the funny kid, desiring to be loved and accepted for my wit and humor. When that didn’t work, I tried to define myself as a Rollerblader, hoping that the athletic adrenaline junkie crowd would think I was cool. I actually wore my kneepads and wrist guards all day at school so everyone could see how hardcore I was (it was the 90s—cut me some slack).

Photo credit: geo462rge

Nothing ever fit quite right, so I started experimenting with shadier identities—rebel, smoker, stoner, raver, and on down the line. Every time I tried on a new identity, I would jump into the new culture with reckless abandon in an attempt to gain answers to who I truly was. This pursuit led me into all kinds of negative behaviors, like shoplifting, drug use, and heavy partying. Ironically, I continued to stay involved with my church youth group this entire time, yet I never thought to look at who God said I was. I kept looking to my circle of friends to define me.

We really aren’t that different as adults, are we? We may have become smarter about navigating social circles since we were in high school, but the underlying search for an identity still continues. Many of us are still searching for our identities in the sports team we root for, the political party we support, or other social circles we are proud to be a part of.

For example, are some Yankee fans so passionately opposed to Red Sox fans because they have placed their identity in being a Yankee, and to root against the Yankees is to root against them personally? Likewise, if your identity is in a political party and someone votes for the opposing party, it feels like they are voting against you personally. Every time they state an opinion your party disagrees with, you take it as an assault on your own character.

When you allow your social circles to define who you are, you end up seeking fulfillment and happiness from a group of people and the circumstances that surround them. When things are going well, you are happy. When people agree with you and accept you, life seems wonderful. But what happens when things change for the worse, as they inevitably will? This is why it’s so important to find your identity in something—or more specifically, Someone—who will never change.

Continue to Part 3: Hobbies

This post has been adapted from my new book,
10 Lies Men Believe About Porn, available now.

For more information, or to sign up for updates, please visit the
Belt of Truth Bookstore.

I’ve got a question for you: Who are you?

If you’re anything like most people, especially men, your first response to that question is probably your job title. After that, you may list off your age, how many kids you have, or perhaps even your hobbies.

If I had been asked that question a few years back, I would have answered, “I am a graphic designer.” This is true, but it’s not really who I am—it’s just what I do to pay the bills. I might also have told you that I am a dad to the coolest (and cutest) girl in the world, that I like being in the mountains, and that I love bacon almost as much as I love air.

Here’s the deal, though—these things may describe me, but they do not define me. In order to figure out what defines you—your true identity—you need to understand who your Creator says you are. After all, He’s the One who made you, so He is the only one with the authority to give you an identity.

TRUTH: Only God can define who you are.

If you don’t understand who God says you are, you are left to fill your identity void on your own. Anywhere you look outside of Him will result in a false identity, because your true identity is not something you can create or achieve—it can only be received.

Satan will try to exploit your identity void in a myriad of ways in order to wreak havoc in your life. One of the most prolific ways he does this is by convincing you that your identity is defined by your sin—or by the sins of others against you. How many times have you thought, I am a terrible sinner, or placed labels on yourself such as stupid, worthless, dirty, failure, and so on? Once you look to the Bible and see the truth about what God says about you, you will see that none of these labels are true about you. They are all false identities.

Not all false identities are based on “bad things.” In fact, it’s quite common for men to seek to find their identity in things most people would consider to be good. The problem with this approach, though, is these “good things” tend to become “god things,” because we allow them to replace God as the most important part of our lives.

Over the next few weeks, we’ll be taking a deeper look at a few of the more common false identities men tend to latch onto—Social Groups, Hobbies, and Romantic Relationships—as well as the truth of who God says you are. Please feel free to subscribe to the blog and follow along with us through this series.

Continue to Part 2: Social Groups

This post has been adapted from my new book,
10 Lies Men Believe About Porn, available now.

For more information, or to sign up for updates, please visit the
Belt of Truth Bookstore.

You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name (John 15:16).

Growing up, I was never what you would call “athletic.” Instead of being a jock, I was the kid who always had a list of excuses for why I couldn’t participate in gym class each day:

• “My head hurts.”
• “My doctor said I need to take it easy for a few weeks.”
• “I have an ingrown toenail.”
• And so on…

This is probably why the majority of my memories from gym class consist of me sitting along the wall reading comic books and occasionally getting pegged upside the head with an errant dodgeball.

Needless to say, whenever my excuses failed me and I was forced to participate, I was never the first one picked for either team. More often than not, I was one of the last to be chosen.

Maybe that’s why I find it so incredible that Jesus actually picked me to be a part of His team. It clearly wasn’t because of anything I’ve done to earn the spot, but solely because of His love and His Father’s grace.

I will admit, there are times when I look at my skill-set and conclude that Jesus must have chosen me to be the third-string punter or perhaps the water boy. Sure, He let me onto the team, but the odds of me seeing any playing time are pretty slim.

But that’s not the case at all. Jesus chose me so that I could produce lasting fruit. Or, to put it in today’s terms, to do stuff that makes a difference in His Kingdom. He wants to pass me the ball so I can score.

And this isn’t His special plan for only me either. It’s His plan for every single person who has put their faith in Him.

So the next time you feel like you’re sitting on the sidelines waiting to be put into the game, remember that Jesus specifically chose you to be a player, not just a benchwarmer. Ask Him what play He wants you to run next, and trust Him to give you the ability to run it.

The best part of all this is, even if you fumble the ball a hundred times, Jesus will never cut you from His team.