This post has been adapted from the chapter, “Lie #7: God Can Set Others Free from Pornography Addiction, but Not Me,” in my new book, 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn. This post is part 5 in an 8-week series on life-changing faith. If you would like to begin at part 1, you can do that here.
The harder things get in life, the more we need to trust in the faithfulness of Jesus. If you choose to trust Him—even in the midst of trials—you will see Him come through every time. This is how trials can actually breed trust. They give you an opportunity to experience God’s rescuing you.
Trials give you an opportunity
to experience God’s rescuing you.
The verse I have had to remind myself to trust time and time again when life gets hard is Romans 8:28:
We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28).
This verse doesn’t say that all things are good, or that God will make all things good. It also doesn’t say He will never allow anything bad to happen. What it does say is that He will cause all things—even the bad things—to produce good results in the lives of those who have trusted in Him.
But do you honestly believe that? When something blows up in your life, do you trust that He is using it for your ultimate good? Again, what does your behavior expose about your true belief?
Imagine you just got caught looking at porn on your computer at work and got fired. What is your response? Chances are, your first response will be fear and worry. What will you tell your wife? What if everybody finds out why you were fired? How will you pay the bills? Will you ever find another job?
It may feel natural to respond this way, but it will not lead you to peace.
But what if you choose to believe that God is able to use all things for your good, even a terrible situation such as this? By looking for ways He is using the situation for your good, you might see it as Him deciding it’s time for your sin to come into the light where it can be dealt with. That would actually be a good thing—I personally know of half a dozen men who got caught looking at porn at work, and this became the first step on their journey to freedom. Maybe God knew you needed to find a new job because He had something better for you and knew you would never leave on your own. Perhaps He knew your flirtations with the secretary were likely to grow into something more sinister and chose to remove you from the temptation. It could be many different things.
The truth is, even if you don’t trust this verse, God would still be working behind the scenes in this difficult situation to use it for your good. Not trusting Him and choosing to worry—or worse yet, struggling to control the situation—wouldn’t necessarily change the outcome, but it would rob you of His peace. Which is why trusting that He really is working in your best interest is key to experiencing His peace in your life.
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In my own journey, there are many areas in my life where I need to trust God’s leading instead of following whatever feels right to me at that moment. The biggest example is probably the decision to remain committed to my former wife.
God has made it clear to me through a variety of ways that He wants me to leave the door open for the possibility of reconciliation. All throughout Scripture I see Him restoring and re-creating what is broken rather than creating something altogether new. I hear the command to love my wife as Christ loved the church, and He has continued to love the church even as they have rejected Him over and over. Ultimately, God has put His unconditional love in my heart for her—which means my love for her is not conditional on her returning any love to me.
If I am being honest, though, there are many days I am tempted to listen to my friends when they tell me it’s time to move on. Sometimes, when I find myself becoming interested in a girl, my mind starts to wander into what-if situations. I begin to justify in my mind reasons why it would make more sense for me to start dating again. After all, what happens if my wife remains single for ten years and then marries someone else? At that point, I’ll be old(er) and bald(er) and won’t be able to find a spouse even if I wanted to.
But God never promised that my wife and I would get back together—He only asked me to wait for her. For all I know, the good in my life He is orchestrating through this time of waiting may be something completely different than the restoration of our marriage.
Perhaps He knew I would not have had the time to write this book if I had been dating. Maybe His purpose is for my singleness to be an example to other men of how much pornography can cost them. Maybe He knows I wouldn’t have been able to serve Him as well if I’d been in a relationship right now. I just don’t know.
What I do know is, even if He doesn’t bring us back together, He’s doing something good through my waiting. So I’ll keep pursuing my former wife until Jesus stops pursuing me (which is always). And trusting Him in this area allows me to respond with thankfulness rather than worrying about my life.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand (Philippians 4:6–7).
Instead of worrying about whether or not I’ll to be single for the rest of my life, I can leave it all in God’s hands, remember the ways He has taken care of me, and trust He will continue to lead me down the best path for my life.
And trusting Him for that gives me peace.
Continue to Part 6: If Jesus Promises Me Freedom, Why Does My Life Feel Out-of-Control?
