The following story is the first chapter from my book, 10 Lies Men Believe About Porn, available now wherever books are sold. It is presented here in eight parts and should take you no more than ten minutes to read (You can find Part 1 here). If you would rather read it off-line, you can sign up for our monthly newsletter to receive a free PDF download of the first three chapters of the book as my thank-you gift for signing up.
New Life in Christ
In that moment of surrender, I finally stepped aside and allowed God to begin changing me into the person He wants me to be. Once I got out of His way, the changes were astounding. I still have the same personality and mannerisms, but the deepest desires of my heart have been transformed. I no longer have to fight the constant temptation of sin because sin is no longer my greatest desire. It has been replaced by a desire to love others with the love of Christ. My default reaction is to pray for those who hurt me and respond to them in love, not anger or any of the other negative emotions I would have had in the past. It’s real, honest love for them. And it just happens naturally. I no longer see money as a means to comfort and security, but see it as a tool to meet the needs of others. I don’t need to force myself to read the Bible or pray out of religious duty. Because I have experienced God’s deep desire to have a relationship with me, I cannot wait to spend time with Him any opportunity I get.
It’s also because of this new life within me that I continue to love and pray for my wife. If I were still the same person as before, but with a shiny new coat of paint, it wouldn’t make any sense to wait for her. Why would we attempt to rebuild a marriage that failed so miserably? Wouldn’t we just be setting ourselves up for more heartache? The reason I have hope things could be different now is because I know I am no longer the same person. The two of us would be the same people on the outside, but completely new people on the inside. I believe that God can someday show her that I am a new person and heal her heart to a point where she might be open to trusting the work of Christ within me. As much as I desire to be reconciled to my wife, though, I also see how God is using me in this season of singleness. I’ve come to trust that God knows what’s best for me and always has me exactly where He wants me.
I could tell you many stories of how God has provided for me financially, emotionally, and spiritually in these past few years. His blessings continue to blow my mind daily. It becomes easier and easier to trust Him because of the myriad of ways I have seen Him consistently come through. When I look at the frustration of trying to control life on my terms and compare it to the peace and rest that comes from trusting His plan and direction for me, I cannot comprehend how I resisted Him for so long.
No Regrets
I’ve found that going all-in for Christ is a lot like taking the red pill in The Matrix. You suddenly wake up and realize the world you thought was real was actually a lie, and you now get an opportunity to experience real life for the first time. Unlike in The Matrix, though, the real world is not dark and depressing, but full of life, love, and joy. One thing is the same—the only way to experience this is to commit to it fully. You have to be all in or it will not work. And once you’re all in, there’s no turning back.
But I believe you won’t want to.
This story is so fascinating. I could see how sin actually distorts our personality and eventually destroys us and others around us. Thanks for sharing it.
Thanks for reading my story. I’m glad it was helpful for you.
Thanks, Stephen. That takes a lot of courage and I wish a lot more men would share their struggles like you have. This definitely is an issue that we all have to help each other overcome. God bless you
Thanks Brock!
WOW. its so weird I started off reading one thing which brought me to reading something else then in one of the comments someone posted a link to ur story. I wasnt going to read all of it but once I started I couldnt stop. And I thank God I didnt. I need help. I been married for 7 years. And I felt like my husband was writing this stoey except there would be no happy ending. He “use” to have a porn problem. Well thats what he says. I dont believe that he quit. Mostly because im a christian and I know that one cannot be truly clean until one follows Christ. And the way I see it is my husband has NEVER turned away from his wicked ways and followed Christ so I cant believw hes changed. For years ive always felt like hes cheated on me. This burden never disappears. It haunts my dreams almost eveey single night. Its haunts my mind and way of thinking. I know I can never fully trust my husband and I will NEVER be able to get over the past and move forward until he confesses the WHOLE truth to me. Ive shared how I feel to him and he still insists on saying no hes never cheated. But why do I still have that feeling deep deep down in my gut and heart. Then after reading your story it was almost like confirmation that yes he has. No he might not be doing it now but that he has done it. But it still does not fix anything until I hear it from him. Everything you said about ur marriage and yalls relationship fits my marriage to a T. Its us made over. I keep telling him we need open communication but he never will put that phone down and talk with me. Hes always on facebook. And I get so angry bc I tell him even tho we r in same room I still feel so distant and lonely bc I know ur body is here but ur mind is else where and far off. But it just ignores me. I know he wants to be a good and godly man but its like he dont know how to or cant. And hes very lazy when it comes to putting in any kind of effort into our marriage. I tell him all the time “All I ask is to feel loved by you” but why cant I feel that you truly love me or in love with me. He swears hes saved. But by his fruits he bares all I see is a man running with the devil. He doesnt try to get close to God. He has a ugly childhood. His addiction starts from hen he was only about 4 or 5. When he first started being molested by friend of his parents. His father is an alcoholic ex pastor. He was a pastor for 20 years but he lived like hell outside the church and was very abusive to my husband and his two brothers. He mother finally got fed uo with her veing abused she left and divorced him. He then quit preaching and started drinking and taking pills. She however died a year later and 6 months after she found out she had brain cancer. I see my father-in-law inside my husband alot which scares me. My husband is not completely physically abusive but very mentally, verbally, & emotionally abusive. I would go to church get on fire for God and filled with the holy spirit and be wonderful until I come in contact with my husband. I want to divorce him but at the same time I want to stay with him bc I know that My God can do anything. I just dont know when to say enough is enough and call quits. We have two children together as well. It would be a bigger hassle divorcing him probably. Bc we have a house and all kinds of stuff we would have to split and its just so much crap. But I LOVE him so much it hurts. Literally it hurts me. I dont want our marriage to end up like his parents or yours. Please help me what should I do?
Thanks for sharing Lacey. I’m sorry you are having to go through all of this. There is a lot to talk about here—much more than we can discuss in the comments. If you use the “contact me” tab on the right we can chat easier via email. And ideally, it would be best if your husband would be willing to talk. If not, do you think he might be willing to read my book? I can send you guys a free copy if you would like. Email me and let me know. Either way I will be praying for you both and your marriage. Don’t give up yet, there’s always hope.