Question: I feel like I was forced into church and into God. I believe in God but I feel like none of it was authentic. So now I’m asking what do I really believe and who am I really. I have found that I like myself deep down but I don’t really like my actions (usually). How do I find freedom in Christ when I don’t know what is real anymore? How do I get rid of habits that have been there all my life?
Thanks for reaching out. Your question is a valid question for sure.
I know a big part of my own journey was coming to realize that much of what I believed was real—especially about Christianity—was not actually based on the truth at all. It was based on a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding that I’d developed over the years. And, as you seem to have noticed, those realizations can cause anyone to question if anything they’ve previously believed (or been told to believe) is true or not.
Here’s the deal though…that’s okay.
It’s okay to ask questions.
It’s okay to have doubts.
It’s okay to be angry that some of the things you’ve been taught are wrong.
If you’re not sure something is real, or true…it’s okay to question it, but I’d encourage you not to stay there forever. Begin to pray about it, and seek the honest answer.
That, I believe, is the key to discovering the real truth: seeking the honest answer from God. If you’re willing to trust whatever God reveals to you as the truth, you will discover what is real and what isn’t. After all, He is the source of all truth, so asking Him would be going straight to the source. You can’t do much better than that.
Sometimes though, it’s tempting to hear His truth and reject it because it’s not what we want to hear, but that will only keep you spinning in your doubt. That’s where faith comes in though. Faith isn’t about fixing your behavior and trying to be a “good person.” No, faith, at it’s core, is simply trusting God.
Trusting that He will reveal to you what is true and what isn’t.
Trusting that He only wants what is best for you, and that He knows what you need better than you do.
Trusting that He will never leave you, abandon you, or give up on you—even if you stray far from Him on your search for truth.
When you begin to trust God for those things, the habits you’re asking about will begin to take care of themselves. Your heart will come alive to God and your desires will change. You will no longer be asking “How do I get rid of these habits?” You will simply realize one day that He has removed your temptation to engage in those habits by fulfilling the underlying desires in your heart with His unconditional love.
You’re already doing a lot of things right: joining a recovery group, being honest, desiring freedom, questioning your desires. Keep doing those things, but make sure first and foremost you’re trusting God to direct your steps.
I believe you will be pleasantly surprised where you end up.
Thanks for reaching out,
Stephen
