Editor’s Note: Please excuse the focusing issue on this video. I got a new camera and didn’t know it would do that. I plan to reshoot it soon, but I didn’t want to delay answering this question any longer.

Transcript:

Hey guys, Steve here from Belt of Truth Ministries. I’ve got another reader Q&A. I got a question from a reader and they asked, “Is my pornography addiction holding me back from Jesus?”

To be honest, that’s a question I get quite a lot, and it was a question I had myself. The truth is, kind of. Well, let me explain that.

As far as, “is my pornography addiction holding me back from Jesus?” Well it’s holding you back from experiencing the life that He offers you. You’re going to miss out on a lot of the peace and joy and just general life that He offers as long as you keep wrestling with porn.

But here’s the deal: I think typically what people are really asking when they say that isn’t, “Is my pornography addiction holding me back from Jesus?” What they’re asking is, “Is my pornography addiction keeping Jesus away from me?”

That’s the real question, and that was something that I wrestled with, frankly, my entire addiction. Because here’s the deal: I believed that I had to overcome my addiction (I had to clean myself up and fix my junk) in order for Jesus to want to hang out with me. It was up to me to clean myself up before He would accept me into his presence, and frankly, that’s just not the truth we see in Scripture.

You read Romans 8:1, it says, “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.” If you’ve trusted Jesus, He’s paid for all of your sins. He’s taken all of your punishment away, even for the sins you have yet to commit. There is absolutely no condemnation. He loves you unconditionally.

The other verse that really pertains to this is Romans 5:8. It says that, “God showed His great love for us in that while we were still sinners, He sent Christ to die for us.” While we were still sinners. We still had junk and God showed us how much He loved us by sending Jesus to die for us.

So if that’s the case, if God sent Jesus to die for us while we were still sinners, why would God (or Jesus, for that matter) pull away from us now when we already have a relationship with Him, because we still struggle with sin? The fact of the matter is, He won’t.

Just like the Prodigal Son, if we run off and we’re off to Vegas and just blowing our inheritance and doing all kinds of crazy stuff, is God going to reject us? Is Jesus going to pull away from us? No. They’re going to be standing there with their arms wide open, just looking over the hill waiting for us to come back. That’s how much God loves you, even in the midst of your sin.

So instead of feeling like Jesus is pulling away from you, maybe we shoulder consider the truth that we see in Hebrews 4:16, “So let us come boldly to the throne of grace, in our time of deepest need.”

You see, God wants us to run to Him, in our time of deepest need. And when is our time of deepest need? Well, for people with the same struggles we have, it’s probably right there when we’re tempted to look at porn, or if we’ve just looked at it; that’s your time of deepest need. That’s when God wants you to run to Him, not away from Him.

So back to the initial question, is your porn addiction keeping you from Jesus? No, it’s not. Jesus is right there, waiting for you to run to Him. So in reality, your porn addition isn’t keeping you from Jesus. In fact, Jesus may even be using it to draw you to Him.

Question: How do I cope with my highly active sex drive?

First things first, I am not a doctor or a scientist. That being said, I can tell you from my own personal experience of being celibate for multiple years now that one’s libido is somewhat adjustable.

When I was at the peak of my addiction, it was not uncommon for me to have 5+ orgasms a day. I couldn’t even make it through an 8-hour shift of delivering pizzas without stopping once or twice at the adult bookstore preview booth.

At the time, I attributed this to an overactive sex drive.

In the past years though, my sex drive hasn’t completely shut off, but it doesn’t control me like it did before. Your body has a remarkable ability to self-regulate in this area. Yes, there will be a transition period as you down-regulate semen production and other related processes, but they will adjust with time.

I have wondered if my reduced libido these days is simply a result of my aging, but I do not believe that to be the case. I have become much healthier, lost a bunch of weight, and cleaned up my eating and sleep habits since those days—which means I actually have higher testosterone and increased fertility today. Yes, that is merely an N=1 observational study, but I believe its proof that sex drive goes much deeper than hormones.

As you transition down though, learn to love cold showers. I’m serious. It has been a life saver for me. I’ve found that if you alternate between 10-seconds hot and 20-seconds cold, it’s actually enjoyable (unlike the torture of a purely cold shower). It sounds crazy, but it works.

The Real Question You Need to Ask

All that being said, what if your sex drive isn’t actually producing the desire for acting out, but it’s actually the result of attempting to satisfy a deeper issue in your heart through ways that can bring true satisfaction?

Perhaps you’ve been “going to the well” to satisfy a thirst that can only be satisfied by Living Water.

After all, if you find a way to satisfy that need to where you “thirst” again, well, to me that sounds like freedom.

Thank you again for your question. I hope this answer helped bring you more clarity.

Grace and peace to you in Christ,
Stephen

This question was taken from the recent Reddit AMA I did for NoFapChristians.

If you have a question about pornography addiction, my personal story, or anything else for that matter, you can send it to me by filling out the form on the Contact page (or just click my picture in the sidebar on the right). I will do my best to answer every question personally and will never post your question without your permission.

Question: One of the biggest things on my mind recently is how to bring support and recovery groups to churches and communities to impact young men and women. How do you set up support groups? And what kind of resources do you use? Have you found one particular method to be more effective than another?

I agree that equipping churches to deal with this issue has been a hurdle in the past. Most churches understand porn is a huge issue but feel like they don’t have the knowledge to properly help men (and women) find freedom from it.

In reality, the best thing a church can do isn’t to try to “deal with it” per se, but to simply offer a safe environment for men to be honest about their struggle without condemnation. That’s why in the groups I lead we constantly repeat the idea that we aren’t here to fix each other, we’re here to bring our junk into the light so it loses its power over us. Once the addiction is no longer hidden, God can finally begin His work of healing in you.

I had looked everywhere for a good resource to use in my own groups and couldn’t find anything I was happy with. There are a ton of great books out there that deal with the symptom (IE: the behavioral response of looking at porn), but nothing that directly addressed the underlying cause (IE: what is causing you to desire porn in the first place).

At the risk of sounding like an infomercial, this is exactly why I wrote my book.

In order to take away all the hurdles and make it as easy as possible for churches to get groups going, I wrote a 12-week study guide and have provided all of the marketing materials (posters, bulletin inserts, announcement slides, promo video, etc.) as free downloads.

Furthermore, churches (or anyone who wants to start a group) can purchase a group kit (5 books, 5 study guides) from me at cost.

This means the only thing a church needs to do is provide a private room and let guys know about it. The guy leading the group could even be going through the material for the first time himself.

In the end, the best thing anyone can do to help an addict is to love them wherever they’re at and help them follow Jesus. Don’t try to fix them. Don’t point out their flaws (trust me, they already know them). Simply love them. Once they trust your love, perhaps then they will trust God’s love. And that is ultimately what will change them.

Thank you again for your question. I hope this answer helped bring you more clarity.

Grace and peace to you in Christ,
Stephen

This question was taken from the recent Reddit AMA I did for NoFapChristians.

If you have a question about pornography addiction, my personal story, or anything else for that matter, you can send it to me by filling out the form on the Contact page (or just click my picture in the sidebar on the right). I will do my best to answer every question personally and will never post your question without your permission.

Question: I know the Bible says lust is wrong, but can I masturbate if I don’t lust?

The Bible never mentions masturbation, which, given the sheer number of laws and regulations that are outlined, is rather telling in itself. In other words, I believe God left masturbation out of the “rules” because He trusts us to use wisdom and the guiding of the Holy Spirit to discern the correct answer for our own individual selves.

The Bible does, however, clearly calls lust a sin and warns us of its detrimental effects. You simply cannot argue that lust is anything apart from sin if you are looking at it from a Biblical perspective.

Can You Masturbate without Lust?

I don’t know. That isn’t a question I can answer for you.

I’ve heard of some guys who can do their thing while thinking about mowing the lawn or whatever. But I know for me there is no way to separate the action from the mental fantasy. If you’re one of the guys who can keep your mind from wandering into lustful thoughts while masturbating, then I don’t see any reason why it would be a problem Biblically.

For me though, this is simply not possible. I can’t separate the two, so in my case the answer is no. But that doesn’t mean it’s the same answer for you.

Can You Masturbate without Becoming a Slave to it?

The other thing to consider, is can you masturbate without it becoming compulsive? The apostle Paul addresses this issue in his letter to the church in Corinth:

You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything (1 Corinthians 6:12).

When looked it in the broader context of this letter, it’s clear Paul is referring to sexuality. No, he’s not saying that everything is okay. The Bible as a whole clearly puts that idea to rest. But He is talking about the areas of sexuality where God allows us the freedom to make decisions based on His leading, such as masturbation.

Paul tells us that just because you may have the freedom to masturbate (apart from lust), it isn’t wise if you become its slave. And chances are, if you’re reading this blog, you are very aware of how easy it is to become a slave to masturbation.

This is why you need to ask yourself if you truly are in control of your masturbation? If it’s controlling you, then perhaps masturbation is not a wise choice for you.

Deciding for Yourself

The bottom line is God hasn’t given us a blanket answer that applies to everyone. This is a decision He wants to make with you individually.

So seek His wisdom. Consider these questions I’ve brought up and answer them honestly. If you seek His direction in this area, He will let you know.

Thank you again for your question. I hope this answer helped bring you more clarity.

Grace and peace to you in Christ,
Stephen

This question was taken from the recent Reddit AMA I did for NoFapChristians.

If you have a question about pornography addiction, my personal story, or anything else for that matter, you can send it to me by filling out the form on the Contact page (or just click my picture in the sidebar on the right). I will do my best to answer every question personally and will never post your question without your permission.

Question: I am a female who has struggled with porn for quite some time. Though I’ve prayed about this issue, a few weeks later, it always comes back to haunt me. I can’t seem to stop thinking about scenes that I’ve watched and I’m surrounded by people who think that fornication is a norm and having one night stands is totally cool…I was just struggling with how I can totally get it out of my head. I try not to think about it, but minor things like thinking of a married couple would make my mind drift into all those images. How do I stop myself from thinking about it? I’ve been told to just devote my time into reading God’s word. It’s worked once, but it’s not fool-proof. I need more than just devoting myself into the Word. Sometimes it feels like I need to lose my memory of those videos I’ve watched to be able to feel “clean” again. So, any advice you’ve got to stop thinking about it?

Reading the Bible is great, but the act of reading isn’t enough. I tried that for years because I was given the same advice.