Question: I am a female who has struggled with porn for quite some time. Though I’ve prayed about this issue, a few weeks later, it always comes back to haunt me. I can’t seem to stop thinking about scenes that I’ve watched and I’m surrounded by people who think that fornication is a norm and having one night stands is totally cool…I was just struggling with how I can totally get it out of my head. I try not to think about it, but minor things like thinking of a married couple would make my mind drift into all those images. How do I stop myself from thinking about it? I’ve been told to just devote my time into reading God’s word. It’s worked once, but it’s not fool-proof. I need more than just devoting myself into the Word. Sometimes it feels like I need to lose my memory of those videos I’ve watched to be able to feel “clean” again. So, any advice you’ve got to stop thinking about it?
Reading the Bible is great, but the act of reading isn’t enough. I tried that for years because I was given the same advice.
The problem was I was looking at spiritual practices like Bible reading, memorization, and prayer as “outside-in” methods of transformation. In other words, I was looking at these things as behaviors I could do to manage my sin better.
The reason they didn’t work long-term was the false belief that I could actually manage my sin in the first place.
The truth, however, is your behavior will only change once you allow God to change your heart. Transformation is always an “inside-out” process.
I’m not saying Bible reading and prayer are bad. Not at all. But you can’t look at the act of doing them as the thing that will change you. That’s the model of transformation the pharisees preached, and Jesus staunchly opposed it. You must look at the Who that you are reading about and reach out to Him to change you.
The next time you are struggling with porn, try approaching God from a position of brokeness and humility, perhaps by praying something like this:
- “Lord, I need You to free me from this.”
- “Jesus, thank You that Your blood has set me free from sin. I trust that only You can give me the strength I need to resist this temptation.”
- “Jesus…I can’t do this. Help.”
Also, when you read the Bible, don’t read it as a list of rules you must follow to become good enough. Read it as a description of the type of person God has transformed you into through your unification with Jesus. Read the “Who You are in Christ” posts and trust that they are all true about you from the moment you put your trust in Christ (especially this one).
And, finally, a few more quick suggestions:
- You mention the desire to forget the videos that keep coming back into your mind. This is common for those who are trying to get free. I experienced great freedom in this area when I read The Bondage Breaker by Neil Anderson and prayed through the steps to freedom in Christ included in the book. I’d highly recommend you read it and do the same.
- I encourage you to find a community or at least a trusted sister who can walk through this with you. This isn’t a battle you can fight in isolation. We have a page listing recovery groups, but unfortunately these are all for men. Therefor, I would point you towards WHOLE Women Ministries. Crystal has a great heart and has been working with women who struggle with pornography for quite some time. She can hopefully be a great resource for you.
Thanks again for reaching out. Don’t lose hope, freedom is possible.
Grace and peace to you in Christ,
Stephen
If you have a question about pornography addiction, my personal story, or anything else for that matter, you can send it to me by filling out the form on the Contact page (or just click my picture in the sidebar on the right). I will do my best to answer every question personally and will never post your question without your permission.
